Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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