mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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