Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
