Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
