i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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