You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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