May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
