omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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