I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
