I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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