There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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