dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
