You can't special order awesome
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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