They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
