She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
