theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
