did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
