Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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