How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
