Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
