i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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