I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
