I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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