i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
