i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
