he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
