Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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