Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
