my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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