Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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