Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
