from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
