i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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