im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
