I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
