He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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