The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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