We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
