There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
