I met the friendliest cop last night
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
