I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
