You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You are a genius and a whore.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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