There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
