I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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