Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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