The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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