no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
