my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
