So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
