I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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