hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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